i’ll remember you till the day i die

i dreamt of him last night. i dreamt of him the previous night.  i dreamt of him the last 2 nights. i dreamt of him almost every night.  it had been more than 2 weeks since he left us. so sudden that at the point of time, it was too overwhelming to take it in as he was perfectly fine the day before. it tore me inside to see my mum and sisters like that. and it tore me inside as well to see him go. it’s really weird how we didnt see the little clues and events that actually hinted he was leaving us. now that we recalled back, everything seemed to fit together like a jigsaw puzzle.

he was a great father. a perfect one, as a matter of fact. one that i would never replace with anything. never once did he beat us, nor lay his fingers on us. he scolded us out of love and only if we were in the wrong. i remembered how he pampered us with everything and making sure we are always happy. he was caring, taking care of me when i sprained my ankle. taking leave, ensuring that i wasnt alone at home and fetching me from school. and i thank god for that, i managed to spend time with him during that period before he left.

everything didnt seem to make sense when it happened. but one thing that did make sense was “he is in a better place right now.” i know he’s looking down on us from above. and sometimes, i feel his presence. but i miss him terribly. his voice, his laughter, his jokes, his concern. everything about him. flashbacks kept occurring at random times and i find myself in tears. but i got to be strong for my mum, my sisters, everyone. and especially myself. time; that’s all i need.

i love you, ayah.