i miss you.

I miss you always.
Even when we don’t talk.
Even when you think i dont’t give a shit, never did.
Even when I’m the asshole you always wanted me to be, the asshole i told you i would be.
I miss you then.
I miss you all the time.
Everyday, you stick in my mind like glue, or a scar, or a wound you like to show off – your most prized possession.
I miss you now.
I miss you always.
But how could you know that?

your image is haunting me

i don’t know what happened. suddenly you disappeared. not a single contact from you at all.  it made me wonder whether i did anything wrong. please dont pull a disappearing act and leave me all stranded.

HOLI

One day, i shall visit India for their Festival of Colors, HOLI. I would run around with bare feet, chase people, be it young or old and playfully splash colorful paint, powder and water on each other. All with the same purpose; to welcome Spring and celebrate the triumph of good over evil. Shankari just told me that they celebrate it in Singapore but i think it will be much more exciting in India itself. A whole different place and atmosphere, especially in the slums. One day. That one day, i would be there, among the very “colorful” people, embracing the moment that might never occur twice.

back again

pardon me for the lack of updates. im guilty of favoring tumblr too much. but right now, i just feel like writing, just like how i used to in the past. and only wordpress can accommodate my long post (:

so anyway, as you all know by now, the dreaded A’s is over and at this moment, i’m enjoying my long-awaited holidays. i’ve already been to indonesia, kl (3 times) and jb since the holidays started. and i might be going away again in march and june to indonesia and US respectively. and how could i forget my fairmont stay with the girls? it was simply awesome. and did i mention how my love for airplanes has increased after all the plane rides, be it alone or with family and friends? hence, all the more im gonna pursue my dream of becoming a pilot.

so right now, being broke, bored to death at home, gaining weight from all the snacks and whatnot, i need to find a job. something to fill my time till august. well, apart from giving tuition, that is. for the next 5-6 months, i need to do something worthwhile. rotting at home, watching movies, pigging out and going out when you’re on a tight budget is definitely not something worthwhile, i must say. but… (there’s always gonna be a ‘but’ somewhere, haha) despite all the interviews and job applications through email, none called me back. i repeat, NONE! how infuriating can that be, right? amira even said im destined not to work. damn. so if im still jobless by results day, which is on 5th march (oh the horror!) i will just get more tuition students and probably apply for some course. first on the list, will be flying course. then cooking, perhaps? haha. what a joke, nadira!

however, im missing a whole lot of people. the girls, the centre-table kids, secondary school mates, A.R. and the list goes on. oh well, i’m gonna bombard this post now with pictures. i’ll start writing again on a regular basis, i hope? (:

PS. i don’t know why but all these events are occurring only after dad’s gone. i know it had been 10 months since he left. but that doesn’t change the fact that i miss him so dearly. i just don’t want people to think that just cause he’s not around, doesn’t mean i’ve forgotten all bout him. you don’t know how much every single time we go overseas or just a simple dinner with just the 4 of us or even for my birthday dinner, i wish and wish that he was there with us. to enjoy the joyful moments with us. maybe all these occasions were just mini getaways? to somewhere maybe, we wont be reminded of the loss. but it didn’t work, never did. cos he is always in my mind and my heart. i miss you, daddy and i love you.