ohana

i dreamt of dad last night. we were at our old house in teck whye. and he was leaving. ive no idea why, but he was. he was standing outside the door and started walking away. and in my dream, i remembered tugging his shirt and telling him not to go. he didnt respond but instead, he smiled. somehow, i suddenly realised that he was really leaving. i kissed him on both cheeks and hugged him as tightly as i could. and i could feel his arms embracing me. and in tears, i whispered “i love you, ayah.” and yet again, he didnt respond but just a smile.

now when i recalled the dream, i think it was really him in my dream. his soul, his spirit. returning to see how his daughter is doing. no words can describe how much i miss him. i miss him tucking me in bed. i miss him calling me ‘princess’ when he greeted me after school. i miss his voice. i miss everything bout him. if losing a dad hurts like crazy, i wonder how mum would have felt. she lost her husband, her best friend and her lover of 35 years. it must have been worse for her but it amazes me how she managed to pull through for the sake of her 3 girls. i love you mum. i love you dad. <3

my world

i was talking to amira how dramatic my life was lately and wished that i could have a world of my own. so this what i described to her.

“there will be rainbows and butterflies everywhere. waterfalls and rivers at every corner. no buildings, just trees, flowers, hills and grasses so that people can run around barefooted and roll around lazily. girls wear summer dresses while guys wear singlets and pants, all made of white cotton material. people ride on unicorns, which can actually talk and communicate with the humans. no vehicles or any means of technology at all. soft mellow music playing from a giant seashell. people sleep on clouds made of cotton candy; so fluffy that they can jump from one cloud to another. helium balloons for people to fly around in the sky. and when it pops, humans do not fall, instead they float back down to earth. playgrounds for everyone cos they do not grow old. hammocks between trees. bubbles coming out from a huge fountain. humans have giraffes as pets. at night, there’ll be shooting stars every few minutes to allow everyone to make wishes. and sometimes, fireworks occur out of the blue. and when it rains, it’s raindrops that makes your skin shine and sparkle. and most importantly, no signs of negativity. no bitching, gossiping, terrorism, violence, prejudice and whatnot. just LOVE. cos love makes the world go round (soundtrack from powerpuff girls, haha)“

i know it’s beyond imagination. but i can dream, can’t i? (:

realisation

when people leave without even a single word or just disappear, it hurts and you might never understand why. but it only meant that you deserve better and this person was never serious bout having a relationship with you. probably just to get some company for that period of time or just to toy with your heart. it sucks cos you probably may have fallen deeply in love with him/her. and wanting to confront him/her is not easy cos that person will never reply your text or call or totally ignore you when he/she sees you. but on the other hand, maybe it’s best to keep mum cos who knows, to retaliate, might bring out an adverse situation. you might turn soft and stupidly believe all those lies that he/she said and then, fall back in love again. only to get your heart broken again when he/she leaves again. so i guess, maybe to avoid is best. cos im certain god is fair. he/she will one day get his retribution.

so to YOU, i’m done with your silly games. i may not be 100% over you, but im sure i will in time cos i know there’s someone out there who will not leave me astray, just like how you did. if you’re man enough and have maybe put your ego aside, come and explain to me everything that you’ve done. cos even though how fucked up it is, i believe everyone deserves an explanation. so in the meantime, i’ll wait for your return but let me tell you, when you return, my feelings and love for you will probably have faded.

and oh yea, FUCK YOU!! (now that felt so much better, haha)

the last goodbye

Copeland’s farewell show
I remembered being heartbroken when i learnt that they’re breaking up but yet all excited when they were coming here for their farewell tour. so albeit all the long queue, the dust on my black jeans, the long 30 mins wait and needing to pee the whole entire time, that night is clearly embedded in my heart. together with alot of familiar faces and hardcore fans, we chimed along to every word that Aaron Marsh sang. i nearly fainted when he started singing coffee. ‘We do the best we can in a small town, Act like big city kids when the sun goes down.’ it was effortless. and when he started on Brightest during the encore, i felt tears welling up. who else could change lives of many with a simple song if it’s not Aaron Marsh. ‘And she says that i am the brightest little firefly in her jar.’

i wished i wasnt working the next day cos i wanted so badly to go to the secret show. but oh well. it was a good week and i hope it’ll get better with the shopping trip to kl this weekend.

goodbye Copeland. ):

from lovers to strangers

“It’s sad when people you know become people you knew; when you can walk right past someone like they were never a big part of your life, how you used to be able to talk for hours and how now you can barely even look at them. It’s sad how times can change.”

crazy fool

so one day, i was pigging out like a bum in front of my mac and stuffing my face with junkfood when i realised i better make full use of my time before the holidays ended. so i decided to be crazy and started cutting out pieces of my clothes. so that it looks slightly different than it used to be.

firstly, meet the scissors of terror!! haha.

mission 1: ripped jeans
so what happened was i found this old-which-now-i-think-is-a-few-months-old-only pair of Pierre Cardin jeans in my closet and thought why not i rip a few holes in it. hence, i did. but now, i think my mum’s gonna kill me for tearing those jeans that she bought for me. guilty!!

before:

(use a chalk to outline the area of the hole as it is easily removed)

after:


(back pocket)

(front pocket)

(bottom of the jeans)

ps. remember to wash it after ripping it to get the frays and rough edges of the fabric.

mission 2: cropped top
this white tunic actually belongs to my younger sister. but due to her clumsiness, she kinda burnt a hole at the bottom part of the top when ironing it. so i decided instead of using it as an old piece of cloth to wipe the glass windows at home (that’s what my maid always do to our old and cannot be worn clothes), i dont want to put it to waste. so i snipped away! anyway, my sis still doesn’t know what i did to her top. hehe.

before:

after:

so, that’s the first two that i’ve done. there’s more but im just too lazy to post it up. maybe next time. i guessed it’s time to put my cutting skill to good use. according to Elie, i’m an awesome cutter after helping her with her bookmarks. haha!

well, goodbye! (:

(in case you guys wondering, those lenses has degree okay. 450!! damn, there goes my dream of becoming a pilot. sigh)