i’ll remember you till the day i die

i dreamt of him last night. i dreamt of him the previous night.  i dreamt of him the last 2 nights. i dreamt of him almost every night.  it had been more than 2 weeks since he left us. so sudden that at the point of time, it was too overwhelming to take it in as he was perfectly fine the day before. it tore me inside to see my mum and sisters like that. and it tore me inside as well to see him go. it’s really weird how we didnt see the little clues and events that actually hinted he was leaving us. now that we recalled back, everything seemed to fit together like a jigsaw puzzle.

he was a great father. a perfect one, as a matter of fact. one that i would never replace with anything. never once did he beat us, nor lay his fingers on us. he scolded us out of love and only if we were in the wrong. i remembered how he pampered us with everything and making sure we are always happy. he was caring, taking care of me when i sprained my ankle. taking leave, ensuring that i wasnt alone at home and fetching me from school. and i thank god for that, i managed to spend time with him during that period before he left.

everything didnt seem to make sense when it happened. but one thing that did make sense was “he is in a better place right now.” i know he’s looking down on us from above. and sometimes, i feel his presence. but i miss him terribly. his voice, his laughter, his jokes, his concern. everything about him. flashbacks kept occurring at random times and i find myself in tears. but i got to be strong for my mum, my sisters, everyone. and especially myself. time; that’s all i need.

i love you, ayah.

silence

i feel so helpless.

holy cheesesticks

first day in school on crutches.
and i can’t take it already.
someone,  save me!!

crutches and wheelchair

twisting my ankle is not okay.
hearing my ankle crack is not okay.
falling to the ground and not being able to get up is not okay.
having to be carried off the field is not okay.
crying like a baby is not okay.
having my ankle swollen like a golf ball is not okay.
going to the hospital in the middle in the night is not okay.
having to be pushed around in a wheelchair is not okay.
using the crutches to aid me in walking is not okay.
not being able to go to school and training is not okay.
ruining saturday plans is not okay.
and not being able to play for adivs which starts next week is definitely NOT OKAY!

fcuk.

strawberries

Sometimes you get so preoccupied with capturing a moment,
you don’t live it.

cheeseballs

phone conversation at 1AM.

A: nadira,  ‘hao’ long is a chinese man!
N: uhh… i dont know.
A: NO, ‘hao’ long is a chinese man!
N: huh, how am i supposed to know?
A: no, i’m telling you this, ‘hao’ long is a chinese man!!

it took me a while to realise he was referring to HAO long. not, HOW long! try saying it without reading it. it’ll sure trick you. i was trying very hard not to laugh out loud, fearing that i might wake my family up in the wee hours. but it was super hilarious when he told me, i swear. haha. okay, so i officially gave up on econs.  i tried reading my notes just now, but it doesn’t seem to go in. it’s like i cant even recall what i read 2 minutes ago. this sucks big-time.

stars

in an hour time, I’m gonna bid farewell to the march holidays and embrace the disgustingly irritating block tests. however, the march holidays were all about good company and good music. for this whole week, esplanade library had become my second home. heading there to study was not a chore, knowing that the mosaic music festival was ongoing at the same time. and thanks to mosaic, I’m hooked to yuna. not to forget the rest of the performances that i managed to catch: mocca, jon chan, the sallys, the couple, nuance, goodfellas, ruby tigers and almost alive.

and the weekend trip was sastifying as forthiscycle and caracal were playing. and and and read this: YUNA WAS THERE! i talked to her and took a picture with her! haha. and yes, i actually backtracked all the way from the traffic lights to scape to catch her. she’s really nice, you know. and i think she was taken-abacked when i hugged her. (:

so anyway,  im gonna head back to maths. am i prepared for block test? the answer’s no. i wont be surprised if i flunk my papers. somehow im not afraid of the block test. you know, you will always have this kind of feeling before a major exam that you feel like puking and cant walk straight, yes? well, i don’t feel it at all. and it’s weird. honestly, i haven’t touch econs and physics at all. so i kinda foresee myself staring into space during those papers. screwed, much? oh well. i promised that im gonna do some hardcore mugging for the big A’s alright?

the stars have been really bright and pretty lately, yes?

deeper conversation

I’m in love with Yuna.
http://www.myspace.com/yunaroomrecords

scorching.

You don’t have to be crazy to do something stupid,
just young.

have a great weekend.

white flag

losing it.